Yellow
by CarlitosCandy
Summary: Feeling both alone and forgotten, Jeff Hardy turns from the young love he always knew, and seeks false passion and comfort in a woman pulled from the pages of his little black book. Angst, romance long fic. Jeff Hardy, Trish, and Maria
1. Chapter 1

This is something I've been working on for a little bit now.. when I can't sleep I hop on my computer and begin to write. Its a bit darker, with a lot of angst, lust, and romance. It is definately becoming one of my favorites.

Read and Review.. reviews are my insparation.

Candy

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Yellow.

Author: Candy

Rating: R, to be on the safe side.

Characters: Jeff Hardy, Trish Stratus, and Maria.

Distribution: WWELibrary, FanFiction(dot)net

Disclaimer: All characters belong to themselves and the WWE.

Summary: _Feeling both alone and forgotten, Jeff Hardy turns from the young love he always knew, and seeks false passion and comfort in a woman pulled from the pages of his little black book. Jeff / Maria / Trish_

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I only wanted you to stay..

linger, and mean the words you said.

Foolishly I romanticized someone was saving my life.

For the first time, I only wanted you to be there

when I opened up my eyes.

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A large, shiny beetle crawled up from the long blades of grass upon the cement porch flooring, its antennaes twitching as it moved around in pointless circles. I cringed at the sight of it, and sifted through means of insect-murder in my mind.. Should I stomp on it? Or trap it? Or feed it to the dog? I squinted, peering off into the large field of lazy, colorless grass ahead of me, but Molly was nowhere in sight. Placing the cigarette I had been smoking between my lips, I put my hands on my knees and peered down at the ugly creature.

Why did it have to be my porch that it decided to crawl upon? Why not make it's way over to the Hansel's next to us? Their porch was often filled with trash.. a much more suitable place for a bug than my seemingly always empty porch. Sure, Mrs. Hansel's trash was merely the casual desperate, drunken man.. ones she'd drag to her house when Mr. Hansel was away on "buisness." But surley bugs would rather find thier way to the lawn chair she always fucked them upon, for it was infested with AIDs and a meley of bodily fluids.. and smelled like cigarette smoke mixed with rum. Don't ask me how I know.

Lifting up the heel of my boot, I stepped on the beetle's head, flintching as it squirmed beneath me. Seconds later I knew it was dead, and angrily leaned over to reach for the hose, using the water pressure to rid the porch (and my shoe) of the beetle's corpse and guts. Sighing to myself, I took a long drag of the cigarette between my lips, then flicked it into the tin full of our half-smoked cigarette buts.

I rose from the brand-new patio chair as I stretched, my arms high above my head as I spotted the light grey storm clouds moving in from the skies ahead of me. Perhaps it would rain soon...I was getting sick and tired of the dumb-ass of a weather man telling me that the each and every rain cloud we'd seen in the past month would surley produce one hellish storm. It hadn't rained in weeks.

Beside me, I heard a screen door slide open, and turned to see Mrs. Hansel waving to me, clad in only shorts and lingerie. I groaned, waving only slightly before quickly turning to my screen door, where Molly greeted me with her goofy smile.

"Where were you a minute ago, girl?" I asked her as I slid the screen back, giving her a scratch behind her fluffy white ear. She swallowed, then made a soft whining sound when she nudged me in the leg. She did that quite often, even after being fed and walked and bathed, and I never understood why.

I took of my boots and threw them back onto the porch, slamming the glass door shut when I studied the clouds that seemed to have darkened since I'd first spotted them only minutes ago. From beneath me, I could hear the faint and distant clatter of someone in the kitchen. I turned to eye Molly, who had her wet nose pressed hard against the glass patio door, admiring a bug that flickered past.

"Where's Maria?" I asked her curiously, for no apparent reason at all. She just turned and looked at me for a slight second before the bug flew past again, and her attention drifted. I smiled to myself, and gave her a pat on her back before grabbing my pack of cigarettes from off the coffee table. I had found Molly as a small Huskie pup in New Hamshire while traveling with the WWE.. she was small and weak, sitting shivering on the side of the dirt road in a rainstorm. I took one good look at the mess of mud and fur, wrapped her in my sweater and stuffed her into the backseat of my brand new Mustang. She's been with me ever since, and still hides under the bed when it rains.

I walked down the long, carpeted staircase slowly, my knee twitching slightly under all the force and weight. When I had only a few more steps to go, my knee buckled, causing a sharp pain to flood throughout the entire lower half of my body. I let out a yelp, leaning against the thick wooden railing as my fingers dug beneath my knee cap, willing the pain to diminish. It did not.

Just then that sweet little face appeared from around the corner, her toothbrush stuck into the side of her cheek. "Baby?" She'd mumbled with a mouth full of toothpaste, "What happened? Are you alright?"

Nodding, I motioned toward my leg, doubling over in pain when I'd made the wrong decision of putting all my weight back on it again. I had injured it in a career-threatening accident a few months ago, and it'd been causing me a great deal of all kinds of pain ever since. "My knee." Was all I could manage to gasp.

She nodded her little brown head in understanding, her soft arms around me as she willed my body down, forcing me to sit down on the stairs and against the railing. "Just rest for a minute, Jeff." She cooed, tucking strands of loose, colorful hair back behind my ear. Dissapearing back into the kitchen, I once again heard her sift through some things on the counter, then the fridge.

She appeared again only a minute later, ice packs in hand and mouth free of toothpaste. "Why isn't your brace on?" Her voice was stern, as if she was trying to scold me and yet tease me at the same time. "You're supposed to be wearing it for another month yet." Resting the ice pack against my knee, she scooted herself closer, her head now resting against my shoulder.

"I hate that damn thing, I don't need it." I hissed, both impaitent and angry at the harsh pain I was still dealing with. Although, Maria's warm presence was comforting, as it usually was, and I felt myself melting against her as I placed my hand on top of hers.

"Look, do you want to get back into the ring or not?" She arched her perfectly shape brow at me, and merely nudged my shoulder with a smile when I only offered a sideways glance in her direction. "Then you're gonna have to wear the thing, Jeff. No matter how pointless you think it is." Slipping her fingers from beneath mine, she physically instructed my hand to stay upon the ice pack, then rubbed my back as she scooted away. "Where is it?"

Her voice was so gentle and sweet, I could only smile. "I wore it for a little while last night.. it's probably by the bed or something."

She quickly darted back up the stairs, and I watched her with a lust-filled admiration as I caught the slightest glimpse of pink panties hidden under dark running shorts. If I hadn't felt so trapped and helpless in my burden of pain, I would've succumbed to the desire and chased after her up the stairs and into the bedroom. My fingers went numb from the sweating ice pack in my palm, but before I could throw it across the room in a fit of anger, Maria came back down the stairs.

"It was tangled in the sheets," She informed me with a little devious smile. But I ignored her, and handed her the ice pack as I slid the tight, spandex brace up to my knee. Letting my hands flop down to my sides once it was on, I stared at it blankly, then offered the same look to her.. she only giggled, and kissed me lightly.

"Oh, stop.. it's not that big of a deal." She stood, pulling down the long tank top she was wearing, and tucked the ice back under her arm as she helped me up slowly. "See? You're alright."

I agreed with a nod, for the pain had subsided, and her cradeling arms felt like Heaven against my bare skin. Turning to look at her as she helped me walk up the stairs, I noticed the slight covering of makeup that was swept gracefully across her pretty face. I frowned. "Are you going out again?"

I thought for a moment could feel her body pause and stiffen against my own, but she continued so shortly after I was sure I was mistaken. "Yeah, you don't mind, do you? ..it's just for a little while."

We reached the upstairs, where we spent most of our time, concidering the first floor was more of the basement, despite the location of the kitchen and larger bathroom. She brought me over to the large fluffy chair I'd spent far too many hours trapped in, and forced me to sit down. I could look at her no longer.

"Just because you have a fake ID now doesn't mean you have to go drinking every night." I grumbled, fumbling through all the crap in the basket beside me looking for the remote.

She sat upon the arm of the chair, wrapping her arm around me. "Baby, I just turned 19... I wanna go out and have some fun while I can. Besides, I've been trying to help you through this damn injury for months.. you keep turning me away."

A wave of heat rushed to my head, and I could feel the anger and splitting headache begin to sweep through my veins. This was the beginning of a harsh but familiar fight we'd been having lately. I wanted nothing more than for her to care for me, yet pushed away most of the help she offered. I often told her to go make some new friends, have some fun in her youth, yet got angry when she went out to bars and house parties. Really, I needed her more than I ever felt I needed anything ever before, yet loved her too much to allow her to drop to my needs. I was starting to feel like I was weighing her down.

"Fine.. go ahead, you haven't been out in two nights anyway. ..I'll just paint or something until you get home." I refused to look at her anymore, the will to take her into my arms and ravish her completely was starting to gather in my groin.. and the quicker this conversation would end, the quicker she'd leave.

Maria smiled her sweet, white smile. "I'm never gone that long, sweetie." She laid a soft kiss upon my throbbing temple. "You just rest up and maybe we can have some fun when I get back tonight, hm?" I did not answer, as she knew I wouldn't, and slid of the chair's arm before heading into the bathroom to continue getting ready.

I watched her for the next half hour with half-lidded eyes as she swept on the rest of her dramatic make-up, tried on multiple pairs of pants and even a few pairs of panties. Each time teasing me like the devil woman herself as she danced around the bathroom, in my perfect line of vision, her naked lower half as exposed as it could possibly be. Shaking my head, I lit up another cigarette, noting how the half-naked, barley-legal woman dancing in the bathroom hadn't seemed to have changed since the day I met her.

That day was coming up to be almost four years ago.. She was a mature sixteen years old (although I hadn't known it at the time) and I was celebrating my 21st birthday with a bunch of the guys at a local bar. I noticed her when I first walked in.. she had been sitting outside under at a steel table, a large red umbrella that was attached casting an even darker shadow over her than what the night had already done. She was smoking non-stop and nursing a beer, chatting away with a blonde bombshell I now cannot recall what she looked like.

So of course, since she'd been drinking, I thought she must've been at least 21, and with the help of a few alcoholic drinks, gathered up the courage to go talk to her. I loved her immediately. She was small and petite, with long brown locks that glowed red in certain lighting. Her body was adorned in a classic, tight, black ensamble with the perfect amount of clevage and skin exposed to cause sweat to gather at my brow. Her smile made me melt, and as we talked late into the night out there on the sidewalks of a busy downtown (something that angered both our friends greatly), I managed to find and understand more about her than I ever thought possible.

Her father had split when she was a mere little girl, and although the memories she'd had of him then were fond, she did little to hang on to them as years passed. Her mother raised her and her older brother off foodstamps from an aging apartment complex, and worked hard despite her need for alcohol and cigarettes to keep the pain away. Her brother went on to succed in school greatly, and recieved a full scholarship to a wonderful college in Wisconsin to study in the medical field. She'd seem him only rarley since.

Maria herself was not the smartest child, and soon realized that she made more money flashing random men on the street than her mother did in tips at the local coffee shop. From there she'd made connections and casual friends, living her life on the streets with a smile on her face and a large amount of money always tucked safley into her back pocket. But despite her harsh life of booze and partying, I found her engaging and charming.. and began to want nothing more than to tell her all my secrets, for she was the only one who seemed to understand. She liked the idea of me wrestling, understood the dissapointment and regret of being compared to a successful other brother, and loved the carefree life I'd chose for myself.

I knew we were meant to be together.. my only wish being that the alcohol drowning my system wasn't making such an acuisation for me. For that night we rented a cab, made out like crazy all the way to my house, and procceded to have sex until the mid-morning hours of the night. And it was perfect.

Until two months later when she finally informed me that she was a mere 16, and the relationship we held was nothing short of a big, illegal scandal. I had been angry and dissapointed, fearing for my dream of being in the WWE, but did not have the strength to kick her out. Despite her age, I loved and cared for her dearly.. and told all who knew of us that she was eighteen and worked at a bookstore downtown. No one believed us, but let the whispers of gossip concering our relationship never sweep past our ears.

Over the years, Maria morphed into my best friend, lover, and greatest companion. She traveled with me everywhere and we paid close attention to the other's needs, for they were often one in the same. We were all the other one had. After all, Matt was the only person I could not lie to about Maria, and after chewing me out for falling in lust with a mere teenager, began to call me only once a week, and found other friends to train with. And Maria's mother met a nice but poor man, and the apartment they moved into had no room for her within it.

She came over once in the pouring rain, all her belongings stuffed into two bags with tears falling down her cheeks, and has been with me ever since.

"Where you goin' tonight?" I asked curiously, flipping through channels on the muted tv, so as I could her her soft hum as she prepared herself. "Theres only so many places to go around here."

"I know," She said lightly, glossing the pouty lips I yearned to take within my own. "But I haven't been out like this in years.. I'm still in that stage where everything excites me..ya know, getting used to the whole bar scene again." Her reflection in the mirror smiled at me, and I nodded in return before turning my attention back to the tv... Maria had stopped going to bars a few months after we'd met, for she said drinking only used to numb her pain, and was not much fun otherwise. But after catching up with an old friend who'd made her a fake ID as a gift, she began to miss the essence of bars and partying all together, and went crawling back.

Which didn't bother me in the least, really. After all, I'd been guilty of a few nights spent drinking out with the guys after a show while she waited for me in an empty hotel room. She still held her youth, one that always seemed to slip so quickly between her fingers before she could ever really grasp it, and I wanted her to cherish the few years of it she had left. My only wish was that her sudden phase of missing bars hadn't come at such a time in my life where I felt I needed her around always.

Maria emerged from the bathroom in jeans and a light pink shirt, her hair thrown up carelessly and purse swung over her shoulder. She rested herself upon my lap. "I'll be back in about.. I dunno, five hours? Depends on the band and the people there, you know." She smiled at me, but for the faintest of moments I could've sworn I saw a flicker of guilt in her pretty eyes. She kissed me then, deeply, before sliding herself off my lap. "Goodnight, sweetie.. try to stay up for me, k?"

I only grinned at her, and yawned coyly as I slouched down into the fluffy leather chair, and she winked in return before dissapearing down the stairs and out the door.

A half hour had passed in wait after she left as I sat quietly in my chair, petting Molly's head rythmically as my eyes rested upon the tv screen before me. I looked at the clock... a mere 11:30. Getting up from the chair, I turned off the tv and threw the remote down as I walked over to a small drawer on the side of a sidetable we never really touched. Digging through its random contents (dice, condoms, a deck of cards) I finally found what I was looking for, and slammed the drawer shut.

In my hand was a small notebook about the size of my palm, with a dark leather cover and the initials "JH" printed in gold leafing upon it. I thumbed through all the pages, each and every one filled with scribbles and pictures and numbers, random reminants of my life before Maria. Stopping upon a familiar page, I dug my cell phone from deep within my pocket and dialed the number quickly, my heart beating numbly each time it rang.. then stopping completely when she answered.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 3 hasn't been written yet. Parts written in italics happened in the past. Enjoy and review! xo

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**Yellow.**

_I only wanted you to stay.._

_linger, and mean the words you said._

A cigarette was sticking between my lips as I leaned myself against the patio door frame, although I barley inhaled it at all, and glued my eyes to the line of trees where the thin forest started. I had torn off my knee brace, pulled my hair back, and smoked helplessly in anticipation as clouds continued to roll in from the north. I heared the familiar slam of a screen door next to me, and turned to see Mrs. Hansel step out onto her porch. I grimaced, and ignored her completely. Soon, she stepped back inside.

Not long after I'd called her, I noticed a small form appear from the edge of the forest, and knew it could be no one but her. I grinned.

Shutting the patio door behind me, I began to walk through the tall grass I was too lazy to mow, and into the large field of colorless wheat to meet her within it. The air held the most comforting warmth despite the lack of sun, and I watched as she slipped off her sweater, then waved to me with a smile. I waved back, only able to see her from her chest up within the grasses until she came closer, approaching me with that brilliant smile. It numbed me every time.

"Hey, you." She greeted, picking little pieces of wheat from her tongue and lips before wrapping herself within my arms. "How are things?"

"Fine," Was all I bothered to say, loving the sensation of her blonde locks cascading down my naked chest and shoulder. Thunder rumbled behind us. "Hope I didn't tear you away from anything."

Seperating herself from me the slighest bit, she shook her head, still smiling. "Oh no, not at all. I just got home from work and took a quick shower, then you called.. I didn't have anything planned." A gust of wind blew past, bringing with it the sweet smell of rain and wheat to fill my senses. I could feel goosebumps rise against my hands from her shoulders, and I brought her form closer to me.

"What do you say.. we stay right here?" A coy smile lit up my face, widening with her seemingly stunned reaction.

"Here? Jeff... it looks like its going to rain." Her dark chocolate eyes scattered around the area surrounding us.. which was nothing but tall grasses and distant, quiet houses. "And we're in the middle of a field." Her voice was blunt and inadvertantly humourous, and I chuckled lightly.

I brought her face closer to my own. "It won't rain... it hasn't rained in weeks." Cupping her cheeks within my paint-stained hands, I kissed her softly. "And no one will see us.." I kissed her again, harder this time, and she molded herself against me with instinct. "I promise... you'll love it."

She looked at me, her lips parted and swollen, her hands clutching my chest, and I could see the swarm of lust beginning to gather in her eyes. A breath from her lips floated against my own. My fingers traveled to the hem of her shirt, where I managed to pull it off slowly with ease. I could barley stand the sight of her before me, clad in only shorts and a bra, blonde hair moving with the wind. But I did not have to, for the moment I tossed her shirt aside, Trish brought herself tight against me, kissing me harshly until I laid her down upon the floor of dirt and grass.

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It all started on the foggy, blue morning of April seventh, 2005. It had been our second year Anniversary, and I was bubbly with a bitter excitement. Maria had been invited up to her friend's cottage, and I'd spent the entire afternoon making reservations at her favorite resturant, buying all the best champagne and desserts for our night together, and shopping for the perfect gift. The candles were lit, the flowers were set up in brand-new vases, and I waited anxiously upon the front porch in my favorite dress shirt for her to come home.

She never did.

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It was nearing, with slow strokes of the thin black minute hand, to 3 A.M. in the morning. The only sounds that encased me were those of the ticking clock, and the soft whines emitted from low in Molly's throat. I looked outside, through the thick glass pane and out into the darkened wilderness, noting how the clouds that threatened rain and suddenly dissolved into nothing much at all. The moon was full, and both big and bright as it rested high in the sky..it's light cascading down upon the roof's of our neighbors, and diminishing the light of the stars unlucky enough to be closer to it.

I sighed, tugging at the knee brace suffocating my entire leg as my eyes once again crawled over to the face of the clock. Only a minute had passed.

I was expecting Maria to be home within the hour..slightly drunk and squealing to me in what she thought was a whisper, but was really nothing more than her 'drunk voice', which included plenty of giggles and some snorts in between. She always denied the fact that she did this when I pointed it out to her, and then she'd giggle her childish giggle, and kiss me like the mature, sultry woman that lived somewhere deep inside her.

Trish and I had parted ways almost two hours ago, after cradeling eachother's naked forms in the comfort of the other's arms.. My eyes fluttered shut, the memory of the wheat's sweet scent filling my senses, bringing with it the climax that rippled through my body, and Trish's soft moans and cries hot against my ear. A dangerous chill crawled quickly up my spine, and I shifted anxiously in my seat.. again, my eyes darted to the clock. Seemingly, very few minutes had passed.

Just then, I heard the faint rustling of car keys..and the small, slow squeak of the front door opening and closing softly. Molly's ears perked, quickling rising to rest back on her haunches, before hearing the same girlish, drunken sigh that I had, and darted down the stairs to meet Maria, barking all the while.

"Shhh... baby girl, be quiet." I could hear Maria coo from the base of the staircase, and Molly's tail thudding against the counter with great joy. Despite our distance and the slight echo that attached itself to her words, I could tell her voice was both throaty and drained..which was, in the least, unusual.

I frowned, remaining still in my spot on the couch as she walked slowly up the stairs, Molly right at her side. Her head was down, her long brown locks falling over her face as she climbed the last few stairs hunched over, her hand clutching the wooden railing for support.

"Baby?" I asked softly, now concerned something was terribly wrong.

She looked up at me as a gasp floated from her lips, her eyes widening for a small moment as they flew into the direction of the voice, but quickly shifting back to their yellowed, half-lidded state not long after. "Jeff, honey... you scared me. What are you still doing up?" She ran her hands over her face, incoherently walking into my embrace as I stood to meet her.

Her little yawn spread warmth against my chest. "You told me to wait for you," I reminded her in the gentle father-like voice I often subconciously used when she appeared so vulnerable. "..You ok? You usually aren't like this when you come home from a night out."

"Hm? Oh..." Her lip gloss smeared against my bare chest as she said this, seemingly already half asleep.. a realization that dissapointed me greatly. "It was a rough night.. I think I drank too much, the bar was crowded.. Candice was being difficult.. you know, stupid shit. But I'm fine, really."

A smile crawled it's way to my lips, my fingers running down her small form. "Then what do you say we make the best of this night?"

Maria didn't even seem to comprehend my question. "Mm... I know I told you to wait up for me, babe, but.. hm." She parted herself from me, again rubbing at her eyes, avoiding looking up into my face. "I'm just exhausted.. Tomorrow, k?"

I nodded, just barley, as she pecked my lips then walked off to our bedroom, removing her shirt and bra on the way there. I waited back for a minute, watching her form dissapear into the darkness of our bedroom, and listened to the thud she made as she fell into the many blankets that lay tangled in our unmade bed. I took a few steps closer, my eyelids falling, as if I was taking a small peek at a woman that no longer belonged to me in her most vulnerable state. The floor creaked as I took another step, turning off the only light that remained aglow as I did so, and found myself in the doorframe of our bedroom.

Maria was seemingly already fast sleep, her hair spilling out across her pillow and the glow of the moon pouring over her pretty face. The covers and blankets were bunched up beneath her, a side of a thin sheet covering her partially. Her bare chest rise and fell with each small breath she took, and one hand rested lighly against her stomach, just barley grazing the hem of the panties she wore.

Timidly, I stepped inside..my eyes never leaving her encasing form as I scooted in beside her, the familiar feeling of her close warmth rushing over me. The downfilled comforter crumpled as I dragged it to cover me, causing Maria to murmer in her sleep, her eyebrows pintching together, as if she was deep in thought. I smiled helplessly, like the little boy in love that I often felt like, and used the arm not tucked beneath my pillow to drag her closer to me.

Her eyes opened only slightly, blinking a few times to bring the moment into focus, before allowing a small, pretty half-smile to play upon her lips, and her eyes closed again. She curled against me, her head nuzzled beneath my arm, and her leg lazily laying itself over mine. And slowly, after I was sure she'd fallen asleep once again, her small palm found it's place upon my chest.

My heart fluttered. Using my free hand I brought the blanket to cover both our forms, leaving my chest exposed and Maria's soft shoulders bare. My fingers trailed rythmically against the tanned skin of Maria's neck until only moments later, when I fell into a blissful slumber that matched her own.

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I clutched the phone so harshly in my hand I thought it might shatter into little bits of wire and plastic, hopeing, somehow, she'd feel my anger and resnt through the force I pressed upon it. My fingertips turning a flush red against the darkness of my fingernail polish. This was impossible.. This wasn't my Maria.

At a mere 4 in the morning, she had finally called.. her voice high-pitched due to alcohol consumption, and equally as loud as an attempt to overpower the many voices in the background. Apparently, she'd gone to visit her friend in a karaoke bar on her way home, ended up having one drink..then another, then another.. before slipping into a drunken coma. After waking up in one of the back rooms, she called me immediately, and explained she wouldn't be back until the next day.

"I'm so sorry, baby..." Was all she cared to muster up.

And sure, she might've been sorry. Hell, even I was sorry.. sorry that the love of my life was a barley legal teen who spent most of her life on the streets, sorry that I'd lied to my boss to skip a house show just to be at the side of my love for our two year Anniversary. Sorry I was too fucked up, horny, and drunk off my ass to care any longer.

Angry and upset, I jumped into my car and drove through the streets that remained flooded with the blue mid-morning light, the only sounds around the gentle hum of the engine as it roared into the sleepy town. I had no where to go.. no one to see, praying that something might come along to calm my bitten heart.

Thats when I turned the corner to a brand-new, barley finished subdivision beyond the small patch of forest and fields behind our own house. The concrete was not yet poured out into the streets, leaving me to drive upon a dark, matted layer of dirt and stone. I drove by slowly, admiring the tall, new modern homes, then laughed pathetically at the secrets that I knew would soon infest all the walls that still smelled of wet paint.

Maybe another Mrs. Hansel would move into one of these houses? The desperate and loenly housewive that chose sleeping with random, pathetic men over caring for her young and troubled children. Or perhaps we'd see the husband and doting father, creeping out from his light-blue pannel home at midnight.. having yet to reveal to his wife of 5 years he was gay? The yellow house of stone on the corner would soon be inhabited by the rich, aging buisness man, and the once-single mother of three that pretended to love him.

But the house of dark brick and black shudders that seperated itself from the others by a menacing, iron fence? Well, that would be the empty home of a struggling wrestler, and the illegal, pathetic love life that crumbled into the spaces of the untouched carpet. He and his teen love would live happily ever after within that home, hiding behind the fact that they were ripping at the seams, their secrets spilling from lip to lip, then masking it all completely with a night's good fuck.

Out of all the lives I created, there was one that I couldn't make up if I tried. The home of pretty tan stone and a castle tower belonged to a blonde and big-busted woman, who struggled to move things from the trunk of her car to the big open door of her new home. The 'Sold' sign still hung limply on it's broken base, sunken into the layer of mud and tiny heads of grass. I pulled up, ever so slowly, hoping that I would not cause fear to strike at her nerves. After a moment, I was surprised to find my heart beat risen, and my fingers trembling as I searched for the button to roll down my window.

"Hey, you need any help?"

How ironic those where the very first words exchanged between us. She smiled a heart-stopping smile then, waving me forward with a beautifully manicured hand. I parked within the mud and carried the large, heavy boxes from her car to her front door, making small conversation in the process. As it turns out, she had moved here from Canada, hoping to get a bigger jump start into a life of fitness modeling. I remember, ever so clearly, as these words tumbled easily from her lips..I could do nothing but imagine her toned and tanned body beneath me, shuddering in douses of extacy.

After brining in all the boxes and odds n' ends, she invited me to explore the house she knew little of along side her. I agreed, the tension between us already thick, each and every accidental touch and graze causing a bolt as harsh as electricity to scream through my veins. Somewhere stuck in between us getting the rest of the boxes in and finishing up a small conversation on her living room floor, it had begun to rain. The large open window of the castle-like tower had been open, the rain whipping through it and dousing the small area in dropletts of chilled water.

We managed to soak ourselves, much like the wooden floors, as we fumbled with the large, unique window, the rain pelting our forms as we did so. We collapsed then, in a heap of wet and flustered forms, and began to laugh.. Never had it crossed through my mind that she'd been merely a stranger. Her name was Trish, she was young and drop dead gorgeous, thats all I needed to know. Taking her flushed cheeks within my palms, I kissed her passionately, making myself weak and vulnerable in the process.

She parted from me slowly, after giving in to the kiss, and stared at me with those dark, chocolate eyes. The barley-existant distance she put between us at that moment was all it took for me to crave her like nothing ever before. We crashed our mouths together once more, only allowing them to part when we'd place them on another piece of the other's body..

An hour later, we watched the sun rise over the distant mountains, peeking through the again open window at our naked, tangled forms as the mist of morning and the scent of dew filled completely the spaces between us.

That was the only time I saw the sun that day, for it began to rain harshly on the drive home, and did not stop until Maria crashed through our front door late into the night.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry this took so long! And thanks to those who've submitted their amazing reviews, and even to those who didn't review but added this story to some sort of alert or list.

This is a long chapter, but its merely 3 big scenes. A slight "mature" scene in this part as well. Enjoy, read and review!

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**Yellow.**

_Foolishly I romanticized someone was saving my life..._

I looked down to where Maria's delicate fingers entwined with my own, painted and scarred, then quickly let them crawl to the plane window beside me, to the large city far beneath. Sighing, I shrunk back down into my seat, her little brown head shifting in a fit of slumber against my shoulder. She began to murmur then, her lips forming a tiny pout, and I gently brought the back of my fingers to her cheek, stroking it's feminine softness to sooth her back into an easy dream.

I had slipped the book back into the tiny drawer in the early morning, leaving the night's memories with Trish behind me, until I needed her again... I did that quite often, putting my book away the morning after. It helped the sensations linger, the dark yet scandelous sensations that caused me to crave my Maria more than ever. And yet it helped me set aside my feelings of guilt and resent just the same.. something even to this day I shall never understand.

Aside from Maria's soft snores upon my shoulder, I could barley hear Cody and Mickie converse from behind me.. Mickie's voice for one was unmistakable. They were talking about his father, and how he might react to their 'big news'. I myself was in the dark about this until I took a small peek between the crack in the seats, and noticed a shiny new ring on Mickie's hand, clapsed within Cody's. I grunted, shifted within my sit in a fit of useless anger, or perhaps jealousy of something the mere thought of made me gag.

A few seats diagnal were Carlito and Candice, fighting over something stupid as they usually were. I could tell because Carlito had that wide-eyed look in his eye he always gets in the ring when something surprised him, an expression he only wore for Candice outside the squared-circle. The Woman's Champ herself was cooing him often, toying with his hair and ear and facial hair, but scoffing and aruging when she was not. Despite their fight, she was basically upon his lap in a most intimate position, and he cradled her gently.. as if they truley weren't troubled at all.

Fuck that. I snorted, unable to look at Maria for some odd reason, and glared at the stupid clouds and stupid skyline outside my stupid airplane window. To hell with all the happy couples around me. Fuck them and their perfect, unblemished relationships.

Just then I heard a familiar sound, one that remained attached to many pleasant memories but yet held no comfort. I turned my neck as far as it possibly could go without disturbing the sleeping woman, and found exactly what I had expected to see; Trish, in a casual ensamble, teasing Ken Kennedy himself of the whereabouts of his shitty seat..and laughing. That stupid, melodic laugh I adored.

It wasn't long before I introduced Trish to a few wrestling buddies did her career take off. Somehow, WWE's talent relations heard of her modeling career and thought she'd be perfect for some seductress-esque storyline. Needless to say, she was. Shes been traveling with us ever since, and we both agreed to keep a safe distance. We were friends, got along well, worked with eachother wonderfully when asked.. and were not fucking behind everyone's backs. Nope, of course not.

Allowing my eyes to crawl back to the plain, grey seat before me, I started at it angrily, impaitently... restlessly. Until Maria stirred in her slumber, wakening suddenly and stretching her arms high above her head. I smiled at her, a peaceful half-smile, until she turned to me, her arms falling across my shoulders and lips on my own. I had wished more than anything that the peaceful little moment like this one could stretch to limitless boundaries and keep me safe beneath its overwhelming shadow. It killed me to know it could not.

"How was your nap?" I asked her, as soon as her lips parted from mine, challenging all that was well to linger for a bit.

"Hmm, lovely," Yawning, she smiled at me sheepishly, before forcefully buring her head into the crook of my neck. "I needed that actually, I didn't sleep well last night."

"Me neither, thanks to you." I had meant it lightly, even attached a small chuckle.. I didn't mind the lack of sleep, really.. but Maria took it otherwise. She gapsed, and stared at me in embarassment with those wide pretty eyes lined with makeup.

"Oh my gosh, baby, I'm so sorry.. did I keep you up?"

I laughed again for her sake, shaking my head and placing her's back down against my shoulder. "Aw, babe," I cooed, nuzzling her with my scruffy cheek, "I was fine. Don't you worry about a thing." ..truth was, I wasn't fine. Every chance Maria got she would kick or murmur or huff or squirm until I thought she could move no more.. so I'd manage to fall into a deep and sudden sleep, only to have her whimper and kick me again. I could tell something was bothering her deeply, something shaken within her core.. but I merely watched her as she slept, wondering what possible dark and obscure dreams could be running rampant though her mind.

"Something wasn't bothering you last night, was it, Maria?" I asked so suddenly I was insure if I had actually spoken, or just thought such words within my mind. However, I continued. "You were really quiet when you got home.. and you looked just tortured while you were sleeping."

She fell silent, shifting a bit but appearing seemingly unfaultered. "No, I was--" Stopping herself short, she tugged nervously on her hair, before releasing a defeated sigh and wrapping herself around my arm. She looked at me innocently. "Actually, when we're back at the hotel tonight... can we talk?"

My heartbeat rose immediately, as if it already knew the words she was going to say, despite the fact I knew little of what she wanted to talk about. I nodded, numbly.. yet smiled for her sake, and kissed her passionately on the lips. "Sure, sweetie, whatever you need."

Her smile quivered, her eyes fell from mine, and she laid back down against my shoulder, shielding her face from my eyes.

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The night's Raw was taped and over with, my match against Umaga completed after seven simple minutes of boring hell. I yawned, running my hands through my wet hair as it dripped upon my neck and back, and pushed through the doors of the arena. Candice had been waiting outside in the cold wrapped in merely a sweater, her flip flops tapping against the concrete. I winced. I always wince when I bump into someone I once fucked around with. It was my own subconcious form of self-acknowledgement.

"Hey, Jeff," She greeted me warmly, as if we had never fucked in the men's bathroom at the Hall of Fame ceremony.. only 2 short years ago. "How are you?"

I walked over to her slowly, shifting the heavy backpack that was slung over my shoulder, and smiled. "I'm okay, tired.. beat up. You know. How about you?"

She merely nodded, shrugging a bit yet still holding that familiar smile upon her face. "Oh, the same.." Trailing off as if seemingly uninterested in herself, she turned to me closely, cocking her head to the side. "Hows Maria?"

I suddenly knew where this all was going. "We're good.. still simple, still a little fucked up." I chuckled pathetically at that comment, toying with my earring as I turned to her, smiling innocently. "And Carlito?"

Closing her eyes, she shook her head simply, "Stupid. That fucker forgot to pick me up.." Sighing, she dug her hands from the depths of her pockets, stepping into a boundary that was often broken by woman such as herself. They were all the same. "How long's it been.. a few years?"

I could already feel the swarm of blood rise in my groin. This woman was seductive beyond belief, and I was falling for it without the smallest hint of hesitation. "It has," They were the only words I spoke before all else was drowned within Candice's mouth, swallowed by her lips and throat. I groaned into her, letting my bag fall to the ground and tangling my hands within the long, curled tresses of her hair. Despite the years between our last coupling, each scrape and texture was familiar.. her touch was one in it's own.

Her fingers slipped beneath the elastic waist of my track pants, and one of my hands rose under her sweater to cup her breast harshly, only to find she wore little underneath. She moaned, the vibrations of her throat sending chills throughout my entire body in the slightest second. Despite my weakness from the match earlier, I managed to lift Candice's small form hard against me, her legs wrapped around my waist for support. My erection now was hard against the crotch of her jeans, one which she acknowledged with a smile of satisfaction against my lips.

She pulled away hesitantly, still clutching my face harshly within her tiny palms. "Where's your car?" It was a mere, breathless whimper.

I tore my eyes away from her to search the parking lot furiously, unable to think about anything other than my own selfish lust and the panting woman pulled flush against me. "Over there," I spotted the top of my rental from the shallow midst of others, and allowed her to slip off me as I grabbed my bag from the ground. She reached for my hand as we hurried across the parking lot, needing to appear both innocent and casual, yet unable to do so with the massive swarm of emotions running deep within our bodies.

I threw my bag down upon the trunk, slamming her form against the red surface of the door and ravishing whatever exposed, tanned skin I possibly could. Diminishing my limits, Candice unzipped her sweater and threw it behind her, leaving only a mere tanktop as the barrier between her skin and my swollen lips. She made quick work of tearing that away also, before fisting my hair and pulling me flush against her exposed chest.

I nipped and kissed as harshly as she demanded, with no caution as to what marks I knew I left. Cupping my hand below her ear, I held her head steady against the car so as to get better access at the arch of her neck. Goosebumps from her chilled, exposed skin rose against my lips. She in turn tore of my jacket, grabbing fistfulls of my shirt beneath to drag my lips back to her own.

If there was one thing I missed about that night with Candice so long ago, it was her kiss. Her cradled, desperate kiss.

Her soft, feminine mouth was pressed against my own, before it opened ever so slowly and allowed me to invade it. Our tongues battled harshly, yet slowly.. I myself faught the urge to just kiss the breath away from her, but could not allow myself to do so..just incase I might never be able to expierence our small spark of lust ever again. I would crave it beyond this night, I'm sure.

We pulled away breathlessly, yet kept close, and I found myself staring gently into Candice's deep and pretty eyes. I scarcely remembered them from the night at the Hall of Fame ceremony, for her head had been thrown back in ecstacy against the metal door for most I can recall. I realized I adored them.

Placing her hand on my chest to steady me, she slid down the side of my car to the ground below, where she kneeled upon the dirty concrete. A steady, lusty chill etched it's name into the back of my spine, a breath releasing from my chest when I looked down upon her, those slim and delicate fingers rolling down the hem of my pants. Her hand wrapped around me loosely, exposing it all into the chilly night air. Her hot breath floated upon it, as if to keep it warm within her small palm as she took her time, and began to kiss it's base.

I let go of a silent gasp, the heated and electric nevers inside my body created a harsh attraction to the freezing breeze. Candice continued, her lips teasing every inch of my skin she possibly could, using both hands to massage away the sensations that died within the cold. I began to feel as if I could not wait no more, until she brought me into her mouth the slighest bit, the warmth of the sensation overwhelming to my passion.

She began to take her time then, flicking her tongue all around me until I thought I might let it all go, right then and there. Instead, in a move of pure desperation and lust, I leaned forward against the car for support and forced myself within her hot mouth. Her whimper seemed suprised, yet not irritated, and she quickly began to bob her head against me, with her small hands stratching and rubbing the areas her mouth did not cover.

My mind began to spin off into a different direction, one filled with mere thoughts of blurred estacy.. a place where my mind usually wanders at times like this one. I thought of no Maria, no guilt and no consequences. I could only imagine the woman currently giving me head, forcing herself ever so desperately not to scream my name within the bathroom stall, just had she had failed to do on that past night.

My body was slicked with a cold sweat, needing her to finish for my body's own vicious needs and my mind's desire to kiss her again. Reading me perfectly, Candice licked and sucked harshly until she felt me buck against her, my nails digging into the side of my car. I wasn't sure where to go next, due to not asking if she'd wanted me to cum at all, but did not dwell to much upon the thought; it would surely ruin the overwhelming sensations she'd set afire within me.

"Fuck," I found that I could barley force a curse from my lips, and let my head fall back down to watch as her little brown head moved all around.

So as soon as I felt the familiar build up of lust and heat within my very core, I did little to warn her before releasing everything into the back of her throat. I grunted, breathless yet again, and watched as Candice licked away all the remaining fluid before laying a small kiss upon me. After she rolled my track pants up to my waist, I lifted her to bring her close to me, almost dissapointed as I felt the harsh chill of her exposed skin against mine.

"You're freezing," I whispered, keeping her face only a mere inch away from mine as I reached back to grab her jacket. Smiling sweetly, she buried herself in it's warmth before cradeling herself against me, searching for more. Leaning against the car, I held her tightly, kissing her all over her neck and face, careful to avoid her lips. I laid a small kiss upon her eyelid before she giggled, standing on her tiptoes to capture my lips with her own.

It was then a rumble of a lone car engine swept past us, and Candice pulled away quickly with a gasp, yet keeping the distance between us reasonably small.

Carlito's face appeared from the window of the strange car that had rolled up, his eyebrows pintched together in both confusion and anger, as if he wasn't sure what to make of what he was currently looking at. He didn't say a word.

"Where the hell have you been?" Candice suddenly snapped, her arms folded across her chest defensively as she remained ever so dangerously close to me. "I've been waiting here all fucking night in the damn cold."

"..the hell is going on here?" He masterfully rolled around the question, as if Candice picking a fight caused him to want to build up his own.

"What the hell do you mean by that?" Her lip curled into a snarl, her body molding into a stance I'd subconciouslly recognized as she took a step closer towards Carlito's car. "You fucking forgot about me, so Jeff was being a gentleman and offered to bring me back to the hotel."

"Don't feed me that bullshit," He merely cocked his head towards me as he spoke. I suddenly felt nonexistant. Flicking his burning cigarette to the ground, he unlocked the doors of his car. "Get in, your shits in the backseat."

"No, I'm staying with Jeff." I ignored her words, realizing how so subtle yet explosively sexy her anger really was, yet not wanting my newly arising desires to wash away all coherent thoughts.

"Candy, get in the damn car, NOW."

"Fuck you," She snarled at him, then quickly spun on her heel to turn towards me, the smile she wore hidden from the man behind her. "Thanks for tonight.." Her whisper seemed so innocent, as if I'd only lent her a hug. "I needed that." Standing on her tiptoes, she pressed a strong palm against my chest and kissed my cheek, her lips lingering longer than I thought they would've. Turning from me then, she marched off angrily towards Carlito, ignoring him completely as she got into the passanger seat.

Tires squeeled against the wet pavement, and I was left alone only a second later with my bag and my rental. Sighing to myself, I grabbed my stuff from the top of the trunk (including the tanktop Candice had forgotten) and got into my car, throwing it all into the backseat. Feeling faint and heavy-hearted, I leaned my head upon the steering wheel.. a surprising amount of dark guilt eating away at my core.

That shouldn't have happened.

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Already over an hour and a half later than what Maria had expected, I opened the door to our hotel room quietly, expecting her to be asleep when I entered. I tiptoed around the room, setting my things down gently on the chair before walking over to the tv, turning off the romantic late-night movie Maria had been watching. Slipping off my jacket as I turned towards the bed, I smiled, noting Maria's small form, adorned in a small nightie, curled up above the sheets.

I hadn't moved the slighest muscle, but she stirred restlessly in her sleep then, a yawn sending her body ridgid. Her face fell in my direction, her eyes blinking innocently, like a young animal bringing the world into focus. I could not help but release a small huff of laughter.

"Hey.. baby," Greeting her sweetly, I crawled upon the bed next to her, hovering above her tiny form.

"You're late," Her voice was innocent and gentle, her eyes suggesting she was still sleeping midly. She reached up, as I thought to kiss me, but instead tangled her fingers within the fallen strands of my hair.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry," My voice was the smallest of whispers, and smiled wider when she smiled to me. This was my Maria, the child I always knew. She was a mere, innocent little girl. I bent down and kissed her lightly, loving the essence of her lips..they softened in her sleep. She cradeled my face in her palms. "So, what'd you need to talk to me about?" I kissed her again, unable to help it any longer. "..or we can wait until the morning."

She seemingly began to shake off her slumber, sliding her palms from my cheeks to my shoulders, still holding on to that childlike smile. "I love you, ya know."

I chuckled slightly, tilting my head to the side, admiring each and every feature on her pretty face. "Yeah I know."

Beside us, a flame of one of the many candles Maria had lit to warm up the room of white diminished, due to the small breeze from the large cracked open window. It faultered our attention only slightly, before she used her thumb to turn my face back towards hers. "..I still remember the first time I saw you," She smiled one of the brightest smiles I'd seen adorn her in a long while. "You were so cute with all your friends, trying to impress me by your ability to drink."

I shook my head in protest, before she silenced me with her laugher, and a kiss. "I thought you had the sexiest scruff.. and the prettiest eyes. Oh, god.. I wanted you completely." Again, a kiss, and she seemed to continue unsurely after that. "And, ugh.. the sex. Our first time together, I'll never forget it." Her bottom lip slipped between clenched teeth, her eyes falling from the happiness yet remaining lost within the distant memory.

"Maria, baby?" I lifted a hand and ran my thumb across her cheekbone, attempting to sooth away whatever pain she had been remembering. "Its okay.. what are you trying to tell me?"

"Jeff.." She whispered my name distantly, hearing her soft words like a stab in my heart. She smiled weakly, taking the hand that was pressed against her cheek in hers, slipping her fingers into the spaces between my own.. her voice was ever so soft and breakable. "I want to have a baby."

I fell silent, unable to speak.. nor think, only hear. Her breath was soft and melodic, her chest fluttering with each slow and steady inhale. My eyes flew to hers, searching for the slightest glimpse of anything that did not surface in her words.. guilt, uneasiness, passion..anything. But I found nothing at all, but the desire and weakness they always held. Parting my lips to speak, I realized I could barley form words.. soft breaths of silence slipped past.

"Okay," I finally managed to whisper, a word almost barley existant.

At first, Maria did not seem to hear me, at least not correctly. She reached up and touched my face, her touch the softest I'd ever felt, as if she was unsure I was even there at all. Her emotions began to break then, her face softening in the slightest blink of an eye, tears beginning to gather in pools in the rims of her childlike eyes. "..yeah?"

I nodded, trembling. "Yeah."

She threw her arms around my neck as I collapsed gently upon her, a solid, liquifying breath screaming from my lugs. Her tears smeared against my cheek, her laughter of relief blurring any other sound from around us. As she clung to me desperately, I nestled myself upon her as I'd always done, placing my hand on the back of her head and kissing her passionately.

I told her I loved her between the kisses, she whimpered it breathlessly back. It didn't take long before our clothes were in a crumpled heap upon the floor, a few candles blown out so as I could seek her out within the darkness. My mind spun frantically in the most stilled way possible, my body still somehow trembling against the girl, the woman, beneath me. But despite anything.. my heart still stung like a burning flame, a small echoed part of me praying that by a mere stroke of God himself, things would be alright from now on.


	4. Chapter 4

**I am honestly sorry at how long it's taken me to update this fic, and any other fic for that matter.**

**I've had fanfic burnout like you would not believe.**

**However, I have been working on this one slowly as well as a few others.**

**Reviews (especially for this fic, she's my baby) are greatly appreciated.**

**.Candy**

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**Part 4**

_Two months later_

I watched as her little form remained curled into a small ball upon the porch swing, wrapped up within itself in a tangled mass searching for warmth and comfort.. neither of which she could seem to find. Her girlish face held the same pintched expression as it did when she slept, more so in the past few weeks than it'd ever done so before.

Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out a half-empty carton of cigarettes, pulling one out and lighting the end as it rested limply on my lips. I released the first inhale of smoke through the screen door, watching as it seeped through the small holes only to connect in long, dancing strings on the other side. They swirrled and disappeared as they went along, each and every strand distantly fading before they ever reached Maria's senses.

I turned from the deck and walked towards the staircase, where Molly came bounding to my side and releasing soft whimpers from high in her throat. I grazed her ear only slightly - just so she knew I was there - before retreating into our bedroom and walking over to the large open window. I sat upon the window seat and peered out over our large backyard, to the distant black spaces between the trees, and to Maria.. whom I could see perfectly as she sat still upon the porch.

I took another long drag of my cigarette, knowing she couldn't possibly see the long strands of gray as they floated above her. Sighing, I glanced over my bare shoulder, noticing Molly's timid grayish head peeking through the crack of the door. I said nothing but she sensed my hesitation, and turned to leave me in the wake of her whimper.

Two slow, long months had passed since Maria confessed to me she finally wanted to start a family.. to suck the poison from our house of cards and leave the dust behind us. Since the night we made slow and beautiful love, nothing much had changed. She subscribed to a family magazine (one which she threw away the first issue of immediately), gave away a few items of scandelous clothing to Goodwill, and kept herself both beautiful and mystifying as to keep me at attention.

In the first two or three weeks of what we'd seen as our new beginning, I couldn't keep my hands from her. A whole new light had been shed upon the woman I loved, one which blinded all the former strands of her girlhood. I could not see that small child any longer. She'd be sitting upon the couch reading a magazine, or teasing Molly within the confines of our livingroom, and all it took was the slightest second of eye contact and she'd drop whatever she'd been doing and we'd make love right then and there.. it didn't matter what she or I had been doing.. the thought of creating a baby - or the fact that one might already exist - sparked a lust between us like nothing I'd ever known. It was in those weeks that I fell in love with her all over again.

But that managed to fade within the next upcoming weeks, when periods came and pregnancy tests showed no signs of the baby we'd grown to need. She still kept herself beautiful, and I still enjoyed the spontaneous bouts of sex, but that constant bubble of excitement had burst.. its small, broken pieces rarley uncovered as they seeped between the spaces in the air and walls around us. Eleven weeks had passed, and signs of that distant future began to fade.

It was on mornings like this one when I realized that Maria was beginning to worry. I looked down at the cigarette I'd forgotten I was smoking, half burned with an inch of dead ash hanging at the end, and opened the screen window a crack to toss it to the ground below. It was then I also noticed Maria had deserted the white plastic chair and headed back inside. I froze, listening intently for her small footsteps or light hum, but heard nothing.

Closing the screen, I walked timidly downstairs.. everything seemed darker, heavy with the weight of silence. "Maria?" I spoke lightly, peering into the tanned kitchen, catching the glimmer of our cookware hanging above the stove. No answer. I tapped against the door of our bathroom, noting the emptyness, then made my way slowly towards the living room.

As soon as I had turned the corner, my fingers slowly trailing the smooth white wall, Maria had bumped into me with a quick and flustered gasp. I caught her within my bare arms, holding on to her shoulders and the t-shirt that covered them.

"Jeff," She breathed, her lips pink and covered in her favorite .99 cent gloss. A smile crept up to the corners of her mouth. "I thought you were sleeping,"

I shook my head, whispering a "No" as I swept back stray hairs from her face with the back of my fingers. I swept my tongue across my lips, to make sure they did not taste of bitter smoke and nicotine, before closing a small distance between us. She tasted of sweet and little strawberries, mixed with that sensual woman I adored. Minutes later she was beneath me, fully undressed as I ravished the soft skin of her most feminine area. We made love for a countless time that morning, and as I carried her to our bedroom after all was through so as we could settle within the fading lust, we both realized that on this dewy and glorious morning.. the thought of a child had slipped from our minds completely.

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_April 7, 2005 - one a.m._

_Her small and tired form had been cradled in my arms for the better part of an hour before she finally picked herself up and dragged her body into our darkened bedroom.. leaving me there alone and beaten on our living room floor. I looked down, not knowing what to think or feel.. final amounts of regret and denial closing in. The only reminants of her existance against me were the smeared tears and mascara stains on my wifebeater, yet I could feel her pressed against me still._

_Maria had come home that night, finally, a little before midnight.. more distrought and damaged than I'd ever seen her before. The eyes once rimmed with crystal remained dark and clouded, heavy bags of red weighing them down. Her skin, usually soft and supple, was darkened black and sticky with a strange film. She had collapsed against me in a broken heap, then began to sob - over what i'm still not sure._

_But that wasn't what really bothered me... I had known the same woman for two years of my life, and her familiar, girlish form had never felt that way before.. not her, not against me. I was convinced if I had closed my eyes and someone placed her in my arms, I'd have no idea who she was. Even looking into those deep and distant eyes alarmed me so._

_I crept into our bedroom, where Maria had been on the dark ledge of passing out, her eyes closed and lips mumbling distant nothings. I tried ever so desperately to pull her against me, to talk to her and soothe whatever monster was eating away at her innocence.. but she only pushed me away. In fact, the harder I tried, the more frantic she became._

_Her violence struck me in every way possible.. coherent thoughts drifting so far into the blackness of her mind she could no longer retrieve them. Goosebumps adorned her half-naked form, her skin turning a sickly pale and body trembling beneath my arms. Defeated, I kept my distance on the other side of the bed, watching her thrash and murmur then rest until the morning light._

_It was then, with the morning rays dangling above her and before ever shaking off the sleepy fog, she told me how sorry she was,_

_how she never knew such guilt could eat away at her so rapidly._

_Guilt over what exactly..? I wasn't so sure anymore._

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